I don’t know about you, but this is a question that I make myself answer everyday. Of course, that means that you need to know your main thing. Preparing for marriage over the past year, I’ve found that my main thing has changed. And for me, that’s a good thing because it represents the type of person I want to be, it keeps me more focused, and in in the end, makes me better at everything else.
During one of those moments–you know, the times where you feel like everything is coming at you from all directions and you’re just not sure how you’re going to make it all work–I reached out to my friend Qui, who simply said: “Keep the main thing, the main thing.” Seven simple words that got my head to the ground working, only this time, I was healthier, happier and more productive.
Thus, I want to recognize some colleagues that I know have worked hard this past year to keep the main, the main thing.
Main Thing Keepers
- Andre Blackman: When I first met Andre, he was living in DC as a newlywed working to balance life, marriage, work and his pursuits in public health. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him I was engaged, and he said: Just you wait, things will change. (How right you were friend, and I’m a better woman for it!) Fast forward to today, he’s living closer to family, moving the public health field forward and leading the charge in his role at RTI. Nice job Andre!
- Geoff Livingston: I greatly respect Geoff’s approach to work and life. For one, I like how he integrates his love for social change pursuits into his work–nice balancing. Further, if you read his blog or follow him on Twitter, you often hear him give props to his wife. In fact, this past year, Geoff sold his company and joined the CRT/Tanaka crew. In his blog post announcing the big move, Geoff acknowledged his appreciation and renewed relationship with his wife! Even better–His first descriptor in his Twitter bio for the longest time was “husband.” To me, for someone who is so accomplished in our field, to wake up everyday and say he is a husband first, that deserves mad respect.
- Rosetta Thurman: Admittedly, I don’t know Rosetta as well as the other two. But just read her latest post on her own personal revelations when it comes to life, love and the lure of the “career.’ Rosetta, I feel you. I use to deny kids and used to think I was destined to be single–and in fact, I was quite comfortable with that. Now, I’m in love and getting married in a couple months. Thus, I encourage you girl.
- Bonus: Seth Godin. I don’t know him personally, but I feel it’s very easy for us in the social media field to get thrown off-course. In this video, Seth shares these sentiments and challenges us with the question: “Where are the real relationships?…Networking is so important when it’s real, and it’s always a useless distraction when it’s fake.”
Your turn. Who do you know that is keeping the main thing, the main thing? And better yet, how are they doing it?
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Thank you so much Alex for making this point – it’s not always easy but it’s worthwhile to keep focused on the things that really matter. It’s funny you brought this up because of the past week or so I have been mulling over how important our loved ones/family are in the context of this whole bubble of work harder x 200 and achieve achieve achieve. Growing up, achievement was what it was all about. Now that I’m older, achievement is important but it’s what comes between those achievements and what GETS you there, is what counts.
In my world that is most definitely my wife, the future well being of my family and the people I come across during the journey that help make it worthwhile.
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I wish I could say I lived up to this. I struggle a lot, to be frank, but in the end am still married, now in my 5th year. Marriage can be a slog, but if you don’t keep it first and sacrifice everything else to try to keep it intact — companies, friendships, others expectations of you, personal ego and selfish desires for comfort — then in the end you cannot say you gave it everything. No matter how it works out in the end, that’s all I want: To look in the mirror and say I gave Caitlin everything I had.
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@Andre Well said my friend. Thank you for all the encouragement over the year. It’s been great meeting people like you, Qui and others along this grand journey.
@Geoff That is very sweet. Honesty is where it all starts. And, I here you on the struggle. It’s one reason I force myself to ask this question and evaluate where I’m putting my time everyday. But I’d give anything to make it all work, and I’m so thankful and humbled by Blake’s love, devotion and commitment.
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Alex, I can relate to your post. Pre-marriage, pre-kid(s) — ok those happened at the same time 🙂 — I thought my career and finding success were the most important things in the world. My perspective changed. I enjoy having my own professional interests and work outside of family, but my family is and always will be my top priority. I’m also not as ambitious and successful as the impressive folks you write about, so maybe that’s the trade off?
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We each have a core yearning..Geoff’s post a while back referenced that question of ethics and weighing in…Alex you speak here of ‘the main thing”…time and again I find that what keeps me being true to my main thing is taking moments each day to identify with my core yearning…which has very little to do with any external achievement…those are the outcomes. my core yearning, and i’d venture to say all of ours, something to do with being truth…in so many varied ways anc capacities sure, but by being it, living it, however we are able, we’re that much more connected to what is forging a better humanity.
grateful for your post alex and for all ya’ll’s comments…here’s to keepin it real.
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Alex,
Such sage advice and from someone so young! Like dear Qui, you strike me as a wise soul but I digress.
At 40, with a new marriage and a beautiful 7 year-old it’s getting easier to “keep the main thing, the main thing” because I have more perspective and experience and I’ve made SO many mistakes.
But here are my tips:
1)let go and let God/Allah/your Higher Power – whatever you call it- be a key guiding force for your life if only to help you find balance between this crazy secular world and another universe – which is much bigger, fulling and wiser.
2)do things that inspire – read, write, cook, listen to music, dance, make love, laugh with friends – doing things that move you will fill your soul.
3) breathe – life is SO fast and we spend so much time on automatic pilot. it’s important to stop and be quiet throughout the day to train your body to relax and train your mind so that you can choose the right action.
OK. That’s a lot for 7:30am. But your post inspired me! Love and peace to you and yours always!
Jocelyn
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Alex, I don’t know how(or where) I found you, but I really like your blog.
I especially like this one. It’s easy for those of us that are trying to everything (have amazing careers, and have the kinds of personal relationships (friends, colleagues, significant others, families) that we craze to have trouble keeping the main thing the main thing.
I asked myself what’s my main thing, and my head said, “Duh, work.” But my heart said, “Nah, You wouldn’t be where you currently are if you really believed that.”
Wow. How’s that for a reality check. I’m adding “keep the main thing the main thing” to my mantra collection.
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Hi Monica,
First, thank you and I’m glad we’re able to connect here. It is definitely hard and everyday on my walk to work, I too ask myself: What is my main thing, and I try to keep my main thing as the priority. But, it’s hard. And, I fail at it a lot sometimes. But what I’ve learned and what keeps me more on track, is that I’m often better and more productive when my priorities are in check as it makes me a happier person.
As for the mantra–I can’t take credit for that. Qui Diaz (@beautifulthangs) got me on that soundwave!
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Thanks for drawing my attention to this today via Twitter.
I like how the context of marriage is what prompted this post. I tell people that I’ll be married to 5 or 6 women in my lifetime.
Of course, I’ll always be married to Lynnette, but she’ll change over the course of her life. So will I. That’s why it’s important to know not just what your main thing is, but that it will change.